she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
