Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize