Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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