I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
