I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
