after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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