Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
