You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
