We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
