I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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