your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize