take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Randomize
