maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
