i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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