make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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