Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
