I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
