When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We're too hungover to prance.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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