I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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