I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
