dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
