Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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