Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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