so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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