Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
