My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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