I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
