I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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