I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
