spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Everclear isn't food dammit
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
