I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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