I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
