North Korea, Best Korea!
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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