I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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