hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
