You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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