I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
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I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
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I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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