Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
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Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
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There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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