In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
