he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
