You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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