Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
no you cant smoke seaweed
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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