I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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