She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
