Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
