Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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