Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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