Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
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