Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
