people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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