I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Randomize
