the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
