I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
