I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Your dad touched me again.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
