Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
bring money and cleavage
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
