that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
