come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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