But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just gift wrapped bread.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
