I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
