im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
