The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
