You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
