Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
