I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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