shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
