Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny