maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
