Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't tell me you're on acid again