respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
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That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.