Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.