I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.