Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
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FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
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Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult