had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
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